Computer Expert Vs His Wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

Emergency Landing!

A passenger plane en route from London to Melbourne has made an emergency landing in the Philippines after suffering cabin pressure problems.
Qantas Airways said its Boeing 747-400, with 346 passengers and 19 crew, diverted to Manila shortly after leaving Hong Kong and landed safely.
Airport authority spokesman Octavio Lina said there was a “big hole in the right side near the wing”.
He said the passengers looked scared and some vomited after the incident.Mr Lina said the hole was about 2.5m to 3m in diameter. He added that the flooring near the affected section gave way, exposing some of the cargo below, and part of the ceiling also collapsed.
Upon disembarkation, there were some passengers who vomited. You can see in their faces that they were really scared.

Be true to yourself!

We should all set goals for ourselves.
Without them our lives would stagnate.
We'd end up spending most of our time either in front of the
tube watching Brady Bunch reruns or sitting at a bar getting plastered.
It's not a pretty picture in either case.
Having said that, when you do set goals it is important to be realistic about those goals.
Setting a goal that is obviously impossible to
achieve is not only foolish, but will end up frustrating
you to the point where you give up on your goals.
I believed that being realistic is probably the
biggest key to setting goals that you'll be able to achieve.
If you can do this, you stand a good chance of getting
through life with as few disappointments as possible.

Beauty of Mathematics

1 x 8 + 1 = 9

12 x 8 + 2 = 98

123 x 8 + 3 = 987

1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876

12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765

123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654

1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543

12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432

123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11

12 x 9 + 3 = 111

123 x 9 + 4 = 1111

1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111

12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111

123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111

1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111

12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111

123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88

98 x 9 + 6 = 888

987 x 9 + 5 = 8888

9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888

98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888

987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888

9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888

98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1

11 x 11 = 121

111 x 111 = 12321

1111 x 1111 = 1234321

11111 x 11111 = 123454321

111111 x 111111 = 12345654321

1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321

11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321

111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If: H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just the way I did..

Have a nice day & God bless!!

God always leads us in triumph

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing;

2 Corinthians 2:14,15 NASB
__________________

An altar of earth you shall make for Me, and you shall sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and your peace offerings, your sheep and your oxen. In every place where I record My name I will come to you, and I will bless you.

Exodus 20:24 NKJV
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Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdomand knowledge of God!How unsearchable his judgments,and his paths beyond tracing out!"Who has known the mind of the Lord?Or who has been his counselor?"

Romans 11:33,34 NIV

Just Friends Vs. Best Friends

A Just Friend says..hi,..hello,..bye,...and walks away...
A Best friend always stop by your side & asks how r u doing ??

A Just Friend has never seen you cry.
A Best friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.


A Just Friend thinks the friendship is over, when you have an argument.
A Best friend knows that it's not a friendship, until after you've had a fight.


A Just Friend hates it when you call, after he has gone to bed.
A Best friend asks you.... why you took so long to call.

A Just Friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A Best friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A Just Friend jealous about your romantic history.
A Best friend wonders of your love story.....

A Just Friend expects you to be always there for any help.
A Best friend is always there, wherever you require any help.

A Just Friend doesn't have time in his/her busy schedule,
A Best friend always have time for you in his/her busy schedules....

A Just Friend phones you whenever he/she has some work,
A Best friend calls you often just to hear your voice.....

A Just Friend doesnt have anything to talk to you on phone,
A Best friend doesnt know...what all to finish...

Laughters is the best medicine!

Two men
met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st:
Forget mine.
Lets find yours!!

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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

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Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever!!!"

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Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic
is when both are pregnant.

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Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

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Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are
customer complaints.

**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

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Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...

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